The Self-Trust Equation

"Do you want to get your teeth kicked in?"

Not exactly the mentorship recommendation I was expecting.

But there I was—a seasoned executive who'd mentored dozens of people throughout my career—suddenly realizing I'd never sought mentorship for myself.

My colleague's warning should have scared me off. Instead, it sparked something. Curiosity mixed with terror.

"YES. Who?"

Then I did what any rational person would do with this golden opportunity:

Absolutely nothing.

For weeks.

The excuses came fast: Will they expose me as a fraud? What could I possibly offer them in return? Do I even deserve their time? What if they say no?

Fear had convinced me that protecting my ego was more important than growing. I was paralyzed by the thought of writing one simple email.

That email took two minutes to write. I avoided it for weeks.

The Compound Interest of Broken Promises

Here's what those weeks of avoidance actually cost me:

Mental energy. Every time I thought about reaching out, I felt that familiar pang of anxiety and guilt.

Opportunity cost. While I was busy protecting my ego, I was missing out on potential growth and connection.

But the biggest cost? Self-trust.

Each day I didn't send the email, I reinforced a story: that I couldn't trust myself to do hard things.

This is the part we don't talk about when we discuss accountability. It's not just about getting things done. It's about the relationship you have with yourself.

Every kept promise to yourself is a deposit. Every broken promise is a withdrawal.

Make enough withdrawals, and you go bankrupt. Not financially. Psychologically.

The Pattern Nobody Admits

I've coached hundreds of leaders. The pattern is always the same.

They start with big plans. Monday morning, full of optimism. By Wednesday, the plan is in shambles. By Friday, they're disappointed in themselves again.

And every cycle reinforces the same belief: "I can't trust myself to follow through."

Watch what happens next:

In meetings, they hear themselves making commitments they're not sure they can keep. With their team, they notice others losing confidence in their follow-through. In strategic planning, they second-guess their ability to execute what they design. At home, their family stops taking their promises seriously.

The scariest part? They've gotten so good at rationalizing it that they barely notice anymore.

"I'll focus on that next week." "After this project launches." "When things slow down."

But next week brings new urgencies. The project never really launches. Things never slow down.

And every day they wait, the gap between who they are and who they could be grows wider.

Why Traditional Accountability Fails

Most accountability systems measure the wrong things.

They track completed tasks instead of real progress. Hours logged instead of outcomes achieved. They create performance pressure instead of genuine support. Reporting becomes theater.

I've seen leaders who are excellent at looking productive while avoiding everything that matters. Their task lists are full of checkmarks. Their lives are full of unfulfilled potential.

The problem isn't discipline. It's that they're managing the system instead of using it.

True accountability isn't about pressure. It's about clarity.

The Question That Changed Everything

During a regular check-in with my coach, Aaronde, he asked a question that cut through all my excuses:

"What's the one thing you know you need to do but are avoiding?"

I sat there, pretending to think. But I knew instantly.

The silence stretched. Aaronde waited. He'd mastered the art of uncomfortable pauses.

"I need to schedule that mentorship meeting."

"When?"

"Right after this call."

"I'll wait."

And he did. Literally sat there while I typed the email and hit send.

That moment taught me something crucial about accountability.

It's not about having all the answers. It's about having someone who won't let you hide from the questions you already know you need to ask.

It's not about motivation or inspiration. It's about removing the space between knowing and doing.

Sometimes the most powerful thing someone can do for you is refuse to let you off the hook.

Rebuilding the Account

Here's the good news: Self-trust can be rebuilt.

Not through grand gestures. Through small, consistent deposits.

The formula is simple but not easy:

Make smaller promises. Keep them. Repeat.

Most people make this mistake: they try to rebuild trust with ambitious commitments. "This time I'll work out five days a week!" "This time I'll wake up at 5 AM every day!"

This is setting yourself up for another withdrawal.

Start smaller. Embarrassingly small.

One push-up. One paragraph. One email.

Keep that promise. Then make it again tomorrow.

The 3Ps framework I use with clients works because it forces this kind of honesty. Three questions, every week: What progress did you make? What do you plan to do next? Where are you stuck?

Simple. Sustainable. And over time, transformative.

Not because the questions are magic. But because consistent engagement with them rebuilds the most important relationship you have—the one with yourself.

The Real Metric

Here's what I track now, and what I encourage every leader I work with to track:

Not tasks completed. Not goals achieved.

Self-trust score.

On a scale of 1-10: How much do you trust yourself to follow through on commitments?

When that number starts climbing, everything else follows.

Because here's the truth: You can have the best strategy in the world. The clearest goals. The perfect plan.

None of it matters if you don't trust yourself to execute.

Your future self is counting on the decisions you make today. And the promises you keep—especially the ones nobody else sees—are the foundation of everything else.

What promise will you keep today?